


Two sides of the same coin

by Quin



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-16
Updated: 2012-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-31 07:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/341437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quin/pseuds/Quin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brienne is trapped in a dilemma where she has to choose between the people she cares for, life and honour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two sides of the same coin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [janie_tangerine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/janie_tangerine/gifts).



> Written for janie_tangerine / got_exchange at LJ, beta by shadow_belle
> 
> 1\. Post ADWD, Jaime and Brienne meet up with the Blackfish not long after the point where we left them. A grudging alliance happens in order to a) find Sansa, b) make Cat reason, not necessarily in that order.  
> 2\. Jaime/Brienne, something stressing gender issues (or lack of - maybe she's the one wearing the pants in their relationship and he loves it, or maybe she likes that he doesn't expect her to be a proper lady, or she's his champion in a trial, whatever you can think of).

Every high-born boy and girl loved tales of knightly valour. In good times and in bad, such tales were always a safe harbour. Hope could kindle into a strong flame to fight on when one's stalwart childhood heroes managed to defeat a seemingly superior foe. Hope could take root and become a strong tree to keep going when you were sure that there was always a champion around to rescue you.

Thus as soon as the little ones were able to raise themselves up, taking their first careful steps into this big world, they would eagerly attempt to emulate their heroes. Boys tried to lift up swords heavier than they were, riding against the straw men until they were sore. Girls snuck out of bed to practice the womanly arts of manners, dancing and singing, so they would be able to attract their knight in shining armour.

Most important of all though, and in this all the stories agreed on, was virtue, in both the knight and the lady. The chivalric code demanded those who swore to hold it true to shield the weak and the poor, the ones who didn't take up arms and who were in need of aid. If a knight wasn't out in combat, he should spend his time in devotion to the Seven. His words were supposed to be as honourable as his deeds.

A lady found her place in society in giving the men all the support she could offer. The ideal woman was almost invisible. She should strive to be as humble and chaste as a septa. Her sceptre was her diligence, her sword her kind and charitable nature.

Brienne of Tarth had dreamt the same dreams hundreds and hundreds of noble children had dreamt before her. But somehow her dreaming had always been different from her peers. She was a patient and quiet girl, never so much speaking a word of objection. When it showed that Brienne's hands were too large to hold a needle or play the high harp, it was excused knowing that she had no mother any longer, being merely a child.

Brienne didn't refuse her brother either when he wanted to play wooden swords with her. Her father never saw any harm in letting his daughter pick up a boy's toy. There weren't many children on Tarth Galladon could play with, so as long as his children had each other, everything was fine for Selwyn.  
One day Galladon was dead though. Dead the same as Arianne and Alysanne. Selwyn had been born and bred to be a warrior, a lord and a father to a son. He hadn't been taught by his mother what it meant to raise daughters. There were women on Tarth all the same, but women who knew their place didn't tell their liege lord how to educate his daughter.

Other women came to Tarth merely to warm Lord Selwyn's bed and were gone after a year when a more promising court called to them.

Selwyn was big-hearted and pliant with the females in his life. But the only truth he knew about them was that they liked singers. So with every new woman that arrived on the Sapphire Island a new singer came as well. Singers who brought Brienne the tales of knightly valour. While Brienne could easily uphold all a lady's virtues, the womanly arts were far, far away. Even though someone suggested they ration her food, she grew to be faster and stronger than it was expected of a girl.

In memory of her brother, as it seemed, the little Brienne still liked playing with wooden swords. It didn't take long until Lord Selwyn placed a real sword in his daughter's hand. It was his saying that even though the Stranger had taken away his son, the Warrior had given him a strong daughter with the Maiden's heart. Surely, she was meant to be something special. Behind Lord Selwyn's and Brienne's back people called her to be the result of excessive sinning, but after a while these voices died down. Like every people, those on Tarth rejected the new, but seeing the same picture every day, they became accustomed to their liege lord's daughter in plate and mail.

So growing up, nobody stopped filling Brienne's head with ideals of knighthood.

One of the principles had always been that it was alright to die in combat as long as you died with honour. Brienne hadn't wasted much a thought on how she would perish. You didn't die in tournaments and when her first battles came, she had to focus on her foe. Her master-at-arms had told her not to think about death lest her concentration would falter and she would set herself up for failure.

Never would Brienne have imagined that she would give up her life to a hangman's noose.

When she had denied Lady Stoneheart's command to kill Jaime Lannister, Brienne had been sure that it was the right thing to do. She hadn't been lying about him, honour forbade lying. But in times like these, honourable people weren't believed any more. Still then, Brienne was convinced that nothing could make her stain her knight's code by obliging to the Brotherhood Without Banners.

When the rope had tightened around her neck though, everything in Brienne's body had screamed for life. Her thoughts hadn't been coherent as the pain had eaten through her throat. Utter despair had made Brienne cry out. She couldn't remember the word that had escaped her mouth, only that it had been her rescue.

However, there was a thin line between being alive and being dead. As there was a thin line between rescue and redemption.

At first Brienne had thought she would die no matter what. The priest called Thoros had wanted to help her, but Lady Stoneheart had forbidden it. Brienne would have to make it on her own. It was her quest to stand up, find and kill Jaime.

The Brotherhood Without Banners had left her soon, but not without letting Brienne know that they would be watching her in case she tried cheating them.

They had laid her down just beneath the tree they had used for the hanging. It must have taken Brienne days and days to collect her strength to get up. Breathing without moving had been effort enough alone, but breathing and moving had made the fire in her throat just burn stronger.

After some hours, there was a foul stench that clung to the air and Brienne had thought she would suffocate again. When the crows had arrived, she had realized the Brotherhood had hanged Ser Hyle Hunt despite having had Brienne's assertion that she would go after Jaime. Ser Hyle had been the first warning. They had threatened to hang Pod as well if she didn't succeed on her task.

Ser Hyle hadn't been a model of a knight, but surely he hadn't exactly deserved to die. Of course, he had insisted on following her. She had let Pod come along as well, but that had been a different thing. While Ser Hyle had been a man grown, Pod was a mere boy on the brink of manhood.

Brienne was aware that she wasn't to be blamed for Ser Hyle's death. He had followed her out of his own egoistical motive. It was also no use that Brienne felt guilty about getting Pod involved, it couldn't be changed even if she prayed to the Seven for forgiveness. Yet, it somehow stung that his life was hanging by a thread. The Brotherhood had walked away with Pod, but the Riverlands offered enough trees to have him go up again.

She had let Pod come along, thinking that he shouldn't be on his own searching for Tyrion Lannister, that they would achieve more if they found either him or the Lady Sansa. Taking on Pod didn't mean just having a simple follower around, it had meant responsibility as well. It was a knight's duty to instruct his squire and give him guidance when he was too inexperienced to overlook a complicated situation.

If Brienne maybe had paid more attention to traveller's gossip, she would have heard more details about the Brotherhood Without Banner's reputation and aims. Maybe they could have avoided them. Maybe. But you didn't succeed on a quest with ifs, maybes and might have beens.

The unadorned truth was that Brienne had failed to protect Pod. It was difficult to admit that to herself, but it had to be done. She had to go on, not only for the sake of him, but also for the sake of Jaime.

When Brienne had left Tarth, she had met and seen many knights who openly trampled the knight's code. But worse were those who pretended to be honourable and then stabbed you in the back when you thought it the least possible.

It was not always easy to tell who played you false and who was honest, especially as many people preferred to give you half-truths bending the reality, so that they could manipulate you in doing what they wanted.

Brienne had heard of men who started into their knighthood with good intentions, but as they saw the world around them fall to avarice and wrath, saw other men assemble wealth and power with more ease through intrigues and corruption, their eyes were opened. They became indifferent to what happened in their surroundings or the temptation of gold and status lured them.

Brienne had come to understand that if true knighthood had ever existed, it had ceased to be around. Not only the men were plotting. The women, who were supposed to be ladies with all the virtues that came with this role, were scheming as well, sunken deep into their own pride, lusting for the same things as did their knights.

As Brienne grew older, the more it had settled in that she would never be a lady, neither in the sense of heroic tales nor in society's views. She had accepted the gifts and talents that were given to her by the Seven. She wouldn't try to impersonate a lady when she wasn't.

She had sworn to herself that she wouldn't let herself become a meagre shadow of the heroes and heroines that used to be. Calling yourself knight or lady didn't grant you any rights or made you renown in Brienne's eyes.

All she had ever wanted was to be a proper knight. It wasn't written down that to be a knight you had to be a man. If people labelled themselves with false names, it was hypocritical of them to point their finger at Brienne.

Nevertheless, she couldn't change their opinion. So all she was able to do, was keep to her beliefs. And that had become a problem now. Brienne was sure that the Brotherhood Without Banners would pursue her. They wouldn't give up until they had seen Jaime's corpse. It was the one thing she couldn't allow. If she had to die, it would be in an active fight protecting him and Pod.

Jaime Lannister somehow was a myth to her. His reputation had travelled to all the corners of the Seven Kingdoms. Every rumour whispered something else, but in every rumour there always was an ounce of truth. He was said to be an outstanding swordsman whose skill was only matched by his wicked tongue. People denied him having any honour for forsaking his Kingsguard duties by killing King Aerys.

When Brienne had met him, she had found the man she had heard of. Everything Jaime represented should have been something Brienne detested. She was accustomed to petty jabs and even with someone whose every word was a whiplash her silence was her shield. What had been unnerving Brienne the most was Jaime had not only openly laughed at honour in general, but he had especially belittled her sense of honour.

It didn't matter to Brienne that Jaime didn't believe in the knight's code himself, but she didn't mean for anybody to take away what she stood for.

So she had placed Jaime with the men who took advantage of other people's weak moments at every possible opportunity.

As they had made their way towards King's Landing, Brienne had no choice to escape Jaime's company because she had sworn an oath to Catelyn Stark. But with each day she had watched Jaime, listened and talked to him, Brienne had started to notice that there were different shades to his personality. If nothing else, Jaime Lannister was honest with her. He didn't care what Brienne was thinking about him and she never had the feeling that he whitewashed something that he told her.

He was relentless despite being in chains. Other men and women only dared to be mean when they thought they were on the safe side.

Brienne had thought she would have seen the last of Jaime in Harrenhal, but he had come back for her. He had defended her against Ser Loras' accusations and all of this had been unexpected. She had looked for the selfishness in his action and had found none. They both were in search of Catelyn's daughter Sansa and that was what he had sent her to do.

In retrospect, the words that Jaime had told her then, echoed in her mind. "This is my last chance for honour," he had said when they parted ways. It was a chance he deserved.

In a twisted way, Jaime Lannister rang truer than many other knights of the realm. With time Brienne had realized that his arrogance and sarcasm was a way of putting distance between him and some of the unpleasant things that happened in Westeros. She recalled what Jaime had told her about the mad fits of King Aerys. It continued to leave her wondering if you were meant to choose between the honour people saw and the justice that only you were seeing.

On the one side, Brienne's head was hurting from all the thinking she had done, on the other side the thinking was the one thing that kept her from falling off her horse. The Riverlands were as vast and devastated as they were when she had last passed through them. The ground was uneven and every bump shocked through her wounds.

After the crows had feasted on Ser Hyle, they had landed on Brienne, thinking that she was dead or almost, being easy prey. They had started picking on her flesh, tearing through her clothes. They hadn't left out her face either and every peck had been pure agony. She had attempted to wave the crows away, but for every bird that rose to the air, two new ones had found another place to sit on her body.

Brienne had soon realized that chasing off the crows was a fruitless waste of the little strength she had left. When they had started on her lips and her nose, she had finally managed to get up. Surprisingly, she had found her horse tied to tree. Brienne had dragged herself over and untied the animal. It had almost run away. She had had no voice to soothe it, so what had remained to her was to haul herself up on the horseback like a bag of grain.

Brienne had drifted into sleep several times, but that had been a dangerous game. These days, you never knew who or what waited in the woods around the next corner.

It might have been a week or two before Brienne was able to properly ride again. Thank Gods, a bag with food and some skins of water had been attached to her horse, but they were beginning to run out now, too.

Racking her brain on how to spare Jaime Lannister from the Brotherhood Without Banners was a welcome distraction from the pain that didn't want to abandon her.

She couldn't tell him the truth. Something in the back of her mind told Brienne even though the Riverlands appeared to be dead silent, that she was never really alone. As it seemed, the Brotherhood didn't dare to approach Jaime when he was among men, but wanted to use Brienne as a tool to deceive him. If Jaime knew, would he care enough about the squire that used to be his brother's?

Brienne had always thought she had a strong grasp on her honour, that it was a guideline on what to do, but now she had the unsettling notion that her grasp was slipping. There was no deciding between good and bad, right and wrong.

Podrick probably was in the same condition she had been after the hanging and the least Brienne could make amends to him was setting him free although he would never be the same again.  
Jaime... Brienne owed him her life. Not only once, but twice. She had judged him early on and there were things which had thrown her completely off her opinion, but she wasn't done figuring out Jaime Lannister. It was strange, Brienne was used to being alone, an outcast. The one time she was being offered to be included into a group of people it had been a game. The other time Brienne herself had longed for someone else to be the centre of her life, it had ended very badly.

Jaime Lannister and Renly Baratheon were as different as the sun and the moon. Renly had always played the gallant, charming king, but had she known him truly? As time had gone by, Brienne had come to accept that she had been smitten with an ideal figure she had created in her head. It didn't change the fact that Brienne had failed to protect Renly, it made her sad she hadn't had the chance to get him to know better.

At this point, Jaime came in. It confused Brienne in the extreme, but deep down inside her, she had the longing to understand him. Apparently, he had shown her a part of him he hadn't shown to someone else, though why? Maybe Jaime Lannister was part of her journey to come to terms with herself and her dreams.

What she hated was that she had to lie to him, but Brienne wasn't able to think of a better idea. She was convinced that once she had Jaime following her, the Brotherhood Without Banners would appear again, offering to exchange Jaime's life against Pod's. If she could save them both, she would not only make it up to them, but she would be able to continue on her quest. Brienne hoped that she might take Jaime along on her search for Sansa Stark. If Lady Stoneheart could take her daughter into her arms just one more, she might go to rest herself.

They were all fragments of Brienne's puzzle to return herself to peace. She would need this to prove to herself that even though obstacles had been thrown into her path, that she was worthy of being a knight. She had come to learn that she had to approve of herself, other people would always reject her gender first.

It took her some time until she found out where Jaime was. Initially, Brienne was careful to talk to travellers, uncertain of their alliance. She had made the mistake once to trust that King Tommen's letter would make an impression, but it had failed with those outlaws.

However, the further she moved south, the more soldiers she saw with the Twin Towers of the Freys and the Golden Lion of Lannister. It was hard to eavesdrop on them as there were always sentry patrols around. They walked in pairs of two and Brienne wasn't up to chance a fight yet.

So Brienne had to alter her strategy. With the news that Riverrun had fallen to Jaime's Frey uncle and the Freys having turned their allegiance over to the Lannisters, she might have a chance that the Freys would lead her to him if she demanded it.

Even as the Frey sentries took her prisoner, Brienne stood her ground and insisted on seeing Jaime. There was a hint of surprise in his eyes as Jaime's gaze fell on her face.

Brienne hadn't forgotten the bite and the attack of the crows. They hadn't made her any prettier, but she had lived with the lack of beauty long enough. Other things were more pressing at hand. She had been afraid that the lie about having found the Lady Sansa in the Hound's grip a day's ride away would get stuck into her throat. But once she had found a neutral statement to start with, it passed her lips with ease.

Jaime didn't question her, Seven be thanked, but let his horse follow hers. As they rode through the dark village, Brienne asked herself whether she could do with a day to find the still missing solution to her dilemma. She hadn't dared to name a longer time span. If indeed members of the Brotherhood Without Banners had been observing her, they probably wouldn't need long to assemble their fellows.

Brienne hadn't stopped brooding when Jaime called out from behind her.

"My lady, if you continue to press on so hard, you'll kill the horses. We need to rest now."

Brienne sighed to herself. She hadn't noticed that she had sped up so much. She couldn't outrun the Brotherhood, not when they had Pod. Of course, he was right. She came to a halt and they made camp.

As Jaime tied the horses to an oak, he remarked: "I'm aware it's urgent. I know you're afraid that the Hound will kill the girl if we don't arrive in time. But we're no use to her if our horses are done with. Then we'll take even longer to reach them."

Brienne nodded, not daring to say anything.

Jaime sat down in front of the fire and rubbed his good hand on his thick against the on-creeping cold. "Before we sleep, tell me more of the situation. Then we can work out on a plan to get the girl out of the Hound’s hand. Where's he exactly located? Are there more men with him?"

Brienne closed her eyes. There it was. Once you had started lying, you had to lie further. What was she supposed to tell Jaime? Every detail she would give him would be irrelevant when they faced the Brotherhood.

"He's alone", she finally said, "but he has the Lady Sansa at sword point. He holds her hostage. He's hiding in a cave, so he can see anyone who's approaching."

"What are his demands? Was it him who wounded you?"

"Yes, it was him. He agreed to let me go if I brought you his demands." Brienne paused, thinking on what kind of demand was likely for Sandor Clegane to have made. The easiest thing she could suggest was that he wanted to see Jaime dead. It didn't stray far from the truth, though somehow it didn't sit well with Brienne. As far as she was able to gauge Jaime, he would immediately prepare a battle plan. She didn't want to wound Jaime's pride, but she couldn't imagine that even with his new golden hand he would stand a chance. Not against the Hound nor against a group of outlaws.

The question, nevertheless, was who of them would fight against a superior number anyhow.

"What are you waiting for?" Jaime's voice sounded slightly mocking. "Are his demands so terrible that you fear you might upset my tender heart?"

Feeling pressured, Brienne blurted out: "He wants ten thousand gold dragons."

Ten thousand gold dragons seemed an infinite amount, but Jaime snorted. "Only ten thousand? I wonder what Sandor Clegane, the infamous Hound, would want with such an amount of money. A dog who has strayed from his master and is driven by his hate for a brother who is gone, suddenly wants to be rich now. Care to tell me what a man who lived to kill wants with gold?"

Brienne started to sweat. She made an attempt on shrugging nonchalantly as to sign Jaime that she couldn't possibly know the Hound's secret motives.

"Maybe he wants to buy passage to Essos to start a new life?" she offered way too tentatively for her own liking. "I've heard rumours that there's a lot of fighting going on."

When she opened her eyes, she could see the scepticism on Jaime's face against the fire's light.

"You think the Hound would be so stupid to ransom Sansa Stark to the Lannisters?"

"Well, she doesn't have an own family anymore. And she was married to your brother."

Jaime paused, then shook his head. "You've it all wrong, wench. See, my sweet sister named them both traitors. The Starks were a family of traitors. So by right, Winterfell belongs to the crown anyway. Actually, any Lannister couldn't care less what happens to the Stark girl. I know I sent you on a quest with a royal letter because I was forced to swear an oath to Lady Catelyn. But Lady Catelyn is supposed to be dead, murdered by the Freys during her brother's wedding. Why should I keep to an oath I gave to dead woman? Even if I got hold of her girl, what am I supposed to do with her?"

"Why did you come with me then if you don't care about Sansa Stark after all?" Brienne felt cornered, but also a little bit confused. "I remember you said that she was your last chance for honour."

"Honour," Jaime stretched the word out on his tongue like it was an alien concept. "I remember the last time we met, when I gifted you Oathkeeper, you were full of mistrust of my good intentions. What do you want to do with the Stark girl if you can't return her to her family? Make her a warrior maid like you?"

Brienne sensed part anger and part despair growing inside her. Jaime wasn't aware of what had become of Catelyn Stark. Would he believe her if she told him? She was trying to protect him, but before she had made a real plan, it was already crumbling.

It was better to pretend she had overheard his insult. Brienne took a deep breath. "Before I answer your questions, I would have you answer my question first."

She prayed that he didn't deny her request, so she was able to buy some more time. In reality though, Brienne realized that she had never had any idea of what to do and attempting to buy some time would lead to nothing.

"Gladly." Jaime stared at her through narrowed eyes, his hand on his sword hilt. "Why, my lady of Tarth, you're a bad liar. See, you already flinch when I name you for one. When I talked to Ser Loras about Renly Baratheon's death, I told him you had too much honour that you would even dare to lie. Guess I was wrong."

He got up and drew his sword with one quick motion. "Let me give you a lesson about lying. Have your facts right or be sure that your opposite doesn't know his facts. The Hound gives a damn about money. Rumours says he was last seen at Saltpans. That isn't a day's ride away. Now, I wonder what makes the oh so honourable Maid of Tarth lie? If you wanted me dead, you should've set up a better trap."

Brienne had drawn Oathkeeper at the same time Jaime had taken his sword into his left hand. "I don't want you dead. If you have suspected me right from the beginning, you should have stayed with your men."

"Why, it could have been true that the Hound had abducted the Stark girl, but your behaviour and your words gave you away as soon as I wanted to know more. Call it irony that it was the downfall of the Kingslayer the one time he was trusting. What are you waiting for? We can end it here and now."

Brienne shook her head once more. She put a finger on her lips. "Something terrible has happened,” she mouthed. "I can't tell. Please."

Jaime raised his eyebrows. "Something terrible? That's why you've brought this gruesome bunch of friends along?" He pointed with his sword behind Brienne.

Brienne turned her back on Jaime and stared into the woods. She could only see shadows, but it seemed that some of the treetops were populated with archers. Just outside of the campfire's light a couple of ragged outlaws were casually leaning against the trunk of a huge oak and amidst them all stood the hooded figure of Lady Stoneheart. The Brotherhood Without Banners had come. Podrick was nowhere to be seen though.

An iron clamp settled around Brienne's heart. Her gaze wandered from the Brotherhood to Jaime and back.

Jaime caught Brienne's nervous twitch. "Well, it could have been a trick from me to take you down. It wasn't though. Still, it's not like you to look like a timid fawn."

Before Brienne could reply something, a huge man in a yellow cloak spoke up. "This is no time for talking. The Lady Stoneheart wonders why you are still hesitant to put a blade through that Kingslayer's black heart. See, you've the choice of your life if you kill him or it could be you, your little friend and the one-pawed Lion." The man named Lem laughed. "He seems to be pretty toothless right now, so there's nothing to be afraid of if you're not his cat's paw.

"Where's Pod?" Brienne's voice had died down to a whisper. Lem inclined his head towards one of the oak's branches. Some other Brotherhood member was up there, holding a bound Podrick Payne in his grip. A noose had been tied again around his neck with the end being attached to the oak. It only needed one shove to have Pod hanging for the second time.

Brienne was overwhelmed by a sense of déjà-vu. It was like re-experiencing a nightmare. She was dreading that it would have the same result as the first one. Each of them would die, Sansa Stark would still be lost and Brienne's dreams of proper knighthood would be forsaken. It couldn't end like this. However, making no move would equal making the choice for the death of all of them.

Brienne's thoughts were interrupted by Jaime. "Who's Pod? And who is Lady Stoneheart?" he demanded to know. "I suppose it's too much to ask why you want me dead. It appears everybody has a reason today to want a Lannister dead, but I at least want to see the face of the person who wishes me to an early grave."

"You make too many demands for a man who has lost his sword hand." Lem spat. "Throw that useless thing away, you can't properly fight with that anyway."

Brienne felt the tension rising. She didn't want Jaime to do anything rash, so she quickly intercepted. "Pod's my squire. He used to be your brother's. Pod's looking for him. He thought he could come with me as I'm still searching for Lady Sansa."

"Pah,” Lem said. "Another stinking lion who lured the wolf into his den."

Jaime wasn't that quickly distracted from the insults directed at him. "Are you the leader here? You don't look much of a fighter either. Even without my sword hand, I can easily hack you to pieces."

This was madness. Lem looked like a trained soldier. Brienne wondered what had gotten into Jaime. She cast a quick glance towards him. He didn't want to demand trial by battle, did he?

"Lady Stoneheart is their leader, not him", Brienne offered to get Jaime's attention back on her. "She... she is..."

"The woman whose brother was betrayed on his wedding, the guest whose right to hospitality was slashed, the wife whose husband was beheaded, the mother who lost her son and the mother who let you swear a solemn oath to return her daughter." Lem stated coldly. "Instead of keeping your oath, you and yours stabbed her into the back. But what to expect of a man without any honour? Kingslayer, do you still dare to laugh into her face?"

Lady Stoneheart didn't step forward, but remained in the circle of the other outlaws.

"Why, the Lady Catelyn is dead." Jaime said, throwing a suspicious glance towards the hooded figure.

"So you acknowledge that it's your doing? See,” Lem told Brienne. "Even he admits that all the dead Starks is Lannister work. This is your last chance to do him in."

"I acknowledge nothing." Jaime faced Brienne. "What is wrong with you? You set up a trap for me with a bad lie, your life is threatened, yet there is something holding you back. I'm not sure if I know you well enough, but what I see is a maid who believes that the truth should be valued above everything and a big girl who is too scared to lose her honour. You feel indebted to me, don't you? Yet you want to save that boy's life because you think as your squire, he's your responsibility. And at the same time you plan to keep that oath of finding the Stark girl. I suppose it's no use telling you that you can’t save the world on your own."

"And what now?" Jaime was talking to her as if they were alone in the whole forest, but Brienne was fully conscious that the Brotherhood was listening to their conversation. But this didn't seem to unsettle Jaime as he began to smile at her. It was a genuine, honest smile that took Brienne unaware.

"You're trying too hard to find a solution to all your problems, but it's easy enough. Champion me."

"What?" Brienne gaped at Jaime.

"If she's taking your side, Kingslayer, it's over. We've caught and hanged her once, we can do it again," Lem reminded them, a hand on his sword hilt, ready to give the archers up in the treetops a sign.

Jaime rolled his eyes at Lem. "She's not taking anybody's side. The more I talk you, the denser you reveal yourself to be."

"The Seven will guide our swords, judge our cases and decide who's going to be right." If possible, Brienne's heart was beating faster. If this was going to work out, Jaime might have saved her day again.

Lem shot her a face. "The Seven? I don't believe in the Seven. We just had a trial by battle gone the wrong way, I don't think we want to see another one of these."

"Gone wrong? How can the Gods be wrong?" Jaime asked, his tone full of sarcasm. "If you don't believe in the Seven, then believe in some other God. If Brienne has faith in the Seven and you don't, your champion should be on the winning side."

Lem grunted and walked over to Lady Stoneheart. Clearly, they hadn't been prepared for this situation. Brienne didn't know why Catelyn Stark, or what had remained of her, didn't want to speak to them directly, but she suspected that she didn't want to be near again to the people she blamed for the murder of her and her family. It took a while until Lem, Lady Stoneheart and the other members of the Brotherhood were done counselling.

"Well, we'll do it." Lem snorted. "But we'll do it our way. You against me and Jack here." A one-eyed man stepped forward. "If you don't think two against one is fair, then we can hasten your end. But Jack and I aren’t opposed to some entertainment. I don't know why you want to draw out your end like that, but whatever."

It was unfair. Lem and Jack were smaller than Brienne was, but they were both of broad build and in contrast to her, appeared to be relatively healthy. Brienne's wound were still aching whenever she moved too quickly.

Nonetheless, it didn't matter to Brienne. She told herself that she wasn't a stupid damsel in distress. Even though she had to thank Jaime again for showing her a way out of her dilemma, it was just her who could carry out his plan. Brienne didn't entirely want to admit it to herself, but she was proud that Jaime put enough trust into her abilities with the sword to let her champion him.

Oathkeeper's red and black ripples gleamed in the firelight as Brienne positioned herself, taking up her fighting stance. The sword's grip sat comfortably in her hand as she waited for Lem and Jack to approach. The numerous deciduous and conifer trees in this part of the forest stood rather close together, so there was not that much room for fighting.

Brienne choose to observe Lem and Jack first. As they were drawing closer, they tried to circle her, not wanting to let her know from where they would start their initial attack, when it would happen and from whom. Lem was the more confident of the two. His steps were fast and bold while it seemed that Jack always needed one moment longer to decide what his next move was. Brienne guessed that even though he probably was accustomed to having just one eye, it was a slight hindrance. A lesson she had learned from her master-at-arms that people who were rather slow, often had more strength.

The same thing could be said for her though. The best was to be strong and fast, of course, but another good idea was to pay attention to your opponent's weaknesses. Both Lem and Jack were wearing helmets, but they lacked quality. Rust could be spotted on several places as well as countless dents. If she could whack Jack on the head several times, his ill-fitting head gear might slip out of position and block his sight. Then she would only need to deal with Lem.

Now Brienne only needed the right timing to deal Jack a blow without having Lem right at her. She wanted to make Lem and Jack believe that she would keep to her passive attitude. Thus Brienne occasionally stepped to the side. Lem and Jack were so concentrated on keeping track of Brienne that they didn't notice that she was separating them. Instead of evading Lem, she was leading him towards a group of beeches. When they were almost there, Brienne feinted a stroke and as Lem was lunging forward to her, she moved aside and let him tumble into the woods.

She used the fraction of time Lem was busy gathering himself up to go after Jack. He’d anticipated that she would attack Lem because he wasn't ready when she raised Oathkeeper over her head. His block was uncontrolled and clumsy. When Brienne pushed, Jack's hold on his sword became loose. As his hand was opening, Brienne swung Oathkeeper upwards and whacked Jack's helmet thrice, delivering blows to each side and on top of it. As expected, the helmet shifted downwards and then got stuck.

Brienne didn't bother to watch Jack's struggle with his headgear, but whirled around to face Lem. He had been on his feet sooner than Brienne liked. He had aimed at her throat because Brienne wasn't wearing a gorget. Her hangman's mark had made that impossible. Having anything near her throat had driven Brienne crazy.

She had turned around in time, so Lem had missed and had hit her shoulder. Still, the jolt sent a hefty shock up Brienne’s arm. She clenched her teeth as her throat and her facial wounds protested in pain. Lem already was set for his second bang, but now Brienne was quicker. From then on it was all hit and parry. Lem's sword was almost as large as Oathkeeper and in contrast to his half-helmet, in good shape. For a brief moment she wondered where he had gotten it from. Then she had to concentrate on thwarting one of his assaults and not getting trapped between the trees. Lem had learned her little trick and now was trying to use it against her.

Brienne had to dance back and forth, having begun to sweat from the effort. Valyrian Steel was with her all the same. She was panting, her lungs ailed and her stomach churned, but her arms never grew that heavy. Oathkeeper effortlessly complied with every move she required of the great sword. Lem's castle-forged steel though drove his arm down in every slash he had intended to go by Brienne's mail. It impeded a well-aimed stroke at the places where Brienne's armour didn't cover her.

When Lem tried to target her throat once more, she ducked and let Oathkeeper fly. It cut through the air and then right into the soft flesh above Lem's left knee. Lem was only wearing a large mail coat that didn't reach past his legs, so Oathkeeper sliced through his trousers down to his bone. Lem cried out in pain and stumbled backwards. Brienne removed her sword, but before she could finish Lem, Jack was suddenly on her.

She didn't know how the one-eyed man had gotten rid of his helmet, but there he was. His sword point slid right under her left arm into her armpit and got stuck there. Brienne thought she might faint from the agony that even drowned out the pain from her other wounds. Under her ventail tears slid down her face and her bitten tongue's blood filled her mouth. With one last effort she charged forward and forced Oathkeeper into Jack's leather-clad chest. Jack's eyes rolled back, his body grew slack and he fell to the ground, Brienne's great sword still jammed into his heart.

She had to let go of Oathkeeper to pull Jack's sword out. She screamed on and on despite her raw throat, but Brienne needed an outlet for her pain to keep going. There was still Lem. Having wounded him, didn't mean that he wasn't capable of slaying her.

Looking up, Brienne saw Lem crawling towards Jack's corpse, shifting his weight on his right leg, trying to reach for Oathkeeper. She couldn't allow Lem to get a grip on her sword. She staggered in Lem's direction, but the other man tried to fend her off with his own sword. The blood loss had made Brienne dizzy and her head swam. All she was able to think of was that it would be over if Lem had Oathkeeper. Therefore it didn't matter if she suffered another injury.

When Lem's sword advanced, Brienne kicked at it with her boot. Steel met steel, but Brienne's weight was the crucial factor. Lem's wrist tore under it as he fought to get rid of her. Brienne crashed down on Lem and planted her mailed fist onto his nose. It broke with a crushing noise. Although she had used her right arm, the waves of the impact made her remember that her personal battle wasn't over yet. She retrieved Oathkeeper, drawing on her last reserves and let the blade do his work before she finally sunk into oblivion.

~

 

When Brienne woke, it was completely dark again. There was no glimpse of fire. She felt weak and drained. For a moment she was at a loss what time of the year it was, didn't know her age, what she had been doing and whether she was actually dead. But after she had lain still for a while, it all came back to her. Brienne didn't think that in death you could experience so much pain. She had killed Lem and Jack, hadn't she? She must have succeeded in the trial then, but what after?

Someone held a cup to her mouth, Brienne drank eagerly and fell asleep again. The next time she opened her eyes, bright sunlight dazzled her. Blinking once, twice, Brienne realized that she lay on a makeshift bed in a tent. Someone had removed her armour and her other clothes as she lay naked under her blanket. Carefully, Brienne took inventory of her body. As she moved her left arm, she winced.

"Easy", a voice at her side spoke up. "Everything is still in place. But don't move your arm. The wound will heal faster if you rest."

"Face?" Brienne crooked.

Jaime came into view as he put a damp cloth on her forehead, stroking a strand of hair away. "Nothing has changed. You had a fever, but that's gone now. I fear though that it will take a while until you can continue on your quest."

"Is Pod still alive? Is the Brotherhood gone? What did they say? What did Lady Stoneheart say?" Brienne asked. In her eagerness to get a reply she wanted to lean forward, but Jaime gently pushed her back into her cushion. Her blanket had slipped and she started to shiver. It didn't take long though until Jaime had her neatly covered up again.

Jaime sat down on a small wooden stool, so he could look Brienne into the eyes. "There's nothing to worry about any longer, my lady. I couldn't have asked for a more able champion nor Pod for a better knight."

A slight blush crept on Brienne's face. Although Jaime alone had shown Brienne through choosing her as his champion his acceptance and appreciation, it was hard for her to take the compliment as it was. She knew her abilities, but having them acknowledged by someone else was something different. She was unsure what to say. Finally, Brienne settled for a different topic.

"But wasn't the Brotherhood upset? I mean they couldn't be well satisfied with losing their trial. Lady Stoneheart... did she mention her daughter again? Someone still has to get her."

Jaime took her right hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "They promised to leave you, Podrick and me alone as long as we don't betray them or break another oath."

Brienne was confused. "What is with your oath of not fighting any Starks and Tullys?"

Jaime shook his head. "There will be no more fighting. It's over for them. You're holding on to your plan of rescuing the Stark girl?

"Of course. That's if Lady Stoneheart still wants me to find her daughter. Do you believe me that she was Catelyn Stark? She's not the same, she somehow has changed. When I met her the first time, she was kind and gentle enough even though she had lost her husband and her daughters had been missing. But this war has been hard on her. It's no wonder that you become harsher. I just think that she'll have no peace unless she knows what has become of them. I think it's fair to give her that, even if it's only little comfort for her."

Jaime nodded in silent agreement. "I saw her. I didn't need to talk to her. Her facial expression was sufficient enough to tell her story."

Brienne wrinkled her forehead. "What leaves me wondering is did you mean what you said about Sansa Stark? I don't understand, maybe I won't, but I wish... why don't you care anymore?"

Jaime smiled softly. "As I mentioned before, I found your behaviour confusing. I wanted to find out what you were up to. I thought we had called it a truce, but I wasn't quite sure. It might have been that you had changed your mind about me and my honour again. On the other side it isn't you to set-up a trap for me. You've too much honour for that. Besides, only a coward would ambush a man who has lost his sword hand. And you're not. I wanted to test you. It dawned on me when you were still hesitating although the Brotherhood threatened to kill us all."

Brienne shrugged, sheepish. "I just wanted to protect you."

"From what? Why didn't you tell me the truth from the beginning on?"

"I was afraid that the Brotherhood would overhear us. It would have looked suspicious if they had seen us whispering, trying to hide from them somewhere. Pod's life was at stake." Brienne told him the whole story of how she, Podrick and Ser Hyle had encountered the outlaws.

"And besides", Brienne admitted, "I... I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I didn't know what you would do, I feared that things might go amiss."

Jaime's face revealed a hint of astonishment. "It's been a long time since somebody has taken my feelings into consideration. It's nice, but anyway, I'm past that. I know it's probably too much to ask to trust me, but we could have worked out a plan together. It's not like I don't listen to anybody else's arguments. And you've got to agree that I had a better plan than you." He smirked at her.

"I'm sorry,” Brienne apologized. "I didn't want to appear suspicious to any outlaws that might observe us. I didn't want to risk your life, not after you helped me out twice."

"It's alright,” Jaime squeezed her hand again, "in the end it worked out after all. It's not supposed to be a reproach. I'm aware you meant well and that it was your wish to consider the whole picture. You're a warrior still with a maiden's heart. You care much more for people than they might deserve. Now with the Stark girl, I thought I couldn't regain my honour if there was no one she could return to. And any Lannisters protecting her - that's just pure irony. When I sent you on the quest, it was my idea that with giving you Oathkeeper I would be able to contribute my part. ”

It was a little bewildering, something Brienne had never expected, but she felt comfortable with Jaime. It had become easy to talk with him, to relax in his presence, to understand what was going on in his mind. She had realized that he had touched her several times during their conversation, but Brienne hadn't minded. It had been a good, reassuring sensation. Suddenly, the thought of having to leave him again made her sad.

"I like you more than I ever thought, I would." Brienne wasn't certain why, but there had been that urge to tell Jaime.

Jaime gently poked her. "I do too, wench."

"Don't you want to come along with me?"

"I don't think that's a clever notion. People who are loyal to Tommen, they can always be convinced with his letter. But when they're not, my presence could bring you even more trouble than you had with the Brotherhood. As you've seen, it's difficult enough to tell where somebody stands. Besides, are you really sure you can endure my company any longer?"

Brienne hadn't said anything, but her face must have spoken for her.

"Don't be unhappy. You would rue it after some days."

"I don't think so." Brienne sighed. "It's only... I'm still not done figuring you out."

Jaime laughed. "Is there any gain in solving the mysteries of my person?"

"That's not funny. At least not for me. I don't know how to explain it. You and me, we're so different in so many things, how we see the world, what we think of honour, how we treat people, that was my initial notion. But at the same time...," to her annoyance Brienne had begun to stutter, "... it's like a coin. There's something we've in common, that holds us together. Or not us, but keeps me attached to you. Two sides of a coin. Each side depicts another image, but it's one thing. It's silly, yes. Maybe it's best you forget about it."

Brienne closed her eyes and pretended to sleep. When she thought Jaime had gone, she opened them again and was shocked to find his face hovering over hers.

"Don't be afraid. I'm not going to ridicule you. I was not always like that. I guess some part of me envies you. That you could hold onto your ideals despite the world proving to you that people are far from being heroes, but monsters. It's easier to look away when you're getting in a conflicting situation than to do something about it. But on the other side I don't think it's fair to judge somebody that quickly. Knights are humans, not gods. Everyone has a story and you don't always know what made them stray from their knight's code. There's no black and white, Brienne, there are shades of grey and they don't tell you what's the right thing to do. I reckon you're not wrong with what you said. We can learn both from each other. We've some days for that as long as you recover. And once you've located that Stark girl, you can always come back and we can look where we go on from this point. But now you've got to sleep for real."

Jaime bent forward and planted a good night's kiss on her forehead. Brienne lay awake for a long time after that, pondering on how Jaime's kiss would have felt on her mouth. In the end, she added it to her list of things she planned to learn about him. If Jaime was confident that there was always time for them, then there would be.


End file.
